Mak, I Need You So

9 November 2009, Monday (22 Zulkaedah)

Mak

You brought me into this world 

eon years away

You tended to me 

day and night

You watched me grow

From a wriggling tiny tot 

to an adult

Many existence later

you gave my hands away

Mak I miss you so

I miss your soft touch

I miss your gentle caress

I miss your soothing advice

I miss your endearing voice

Oh how I miss you Mak

Can you hear me?

Can you touch me?

Can you caress me?

Can you console me?

Mak I need you so....

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

A place called loneliness...

Can you be surrounded by people, yet feel lonely?

  

Do you still feel lonely amidst a sea of people? 

At times we can feel a sense of loneliness even when we are surrounded by many people.

 

If you could shop for loneliness,

would you shop alone?

Would you shop among many,
or would there even be any?

And if you were to find loneliness,
sitting there upon a shelf.

Would you be willing to pay the price,
for the seclusion of ones self?

We spite the feel of loneliness.
Although it is quite real.

We can't quite escape the darkness and self pity,
that loneliness makes us feel.

Loneliness often makes us think of family
and mistakes we have made in life.

My loneliness comes most often,
when I think about my parents and my family. 

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Destiny - You and I

You
I
Two different souls
But
Our paths crossed
And recrossed
And recrossed
We got entangled along the way
Can the knots ever be untangled?
Can it be detangled?

You
I
Two dfferent beings
Our destiny
Intertwined
Forever

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Warna warni kehidupan

Kadangkala hidup ini

Oren

Jingga


Kuning

Hijau

Biru

Coklat

Merah,

Putih

atau

Kelabu

Tapi,

Adakalanya

Hitam menyelubungi seluruh permukaan bumi

Itulah warna-warni kehidupan yang sering dan lazim kita perlu lalui...

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

A story is born

25 July 2010, Sunday

With one finger I type the keyboard looking for an alphabet
From one alphabet I form a word
And from a word I string a sentence
And from a sentence I spin a tale
And, a beautiful story is born

Sebelum kamu...

21 July 2010, Wednesday

Sebelum kamu melihat mawar yang berduri

lihatlah terlebih dahulu keindahan bunganya

Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai keterikan panas matahari

kecapilah pancaran cahayanya

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang kepekatan dan kegelapan malam

nikmatilah kesunyian dan kebeningan malam hari

Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai curahan hujan

panjatkan kesyukuran ke atas nikmat yang Tuhan kurniakan

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang pasanganmu

Cerminkanlah diri mu terlebih dahulu

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

I fell into a deep hole

21 July 2010, Wednesday 

I sit and ponder
of all the times
you have ripped me apart
I walked and reminisced
of all the hurt and pain
you have inflicted

I ran and scrambled
and remembered
the deep despair
I fell
I fell into a rut
I plummeted into a deep hole
I lay buried under a rubble

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

The pain that is in my heart

5 July 2010, Monday

I am looking at the sky, the tress, the lights and the people.

All leaving their smells on this world.

I wish to forget all the times of pain and loneliness.

I wish the time would stop 

and I could go back to the centre of my despair.

To see again the people who have broken my heart, 

to see my fears, inside their sad faces.

They looked into my black eyes and not the pain that is in my heart

I cry

I sing

And I wait for someone to embrace me.

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Life is baffling

30 June 2010, Wednesday 

I'm baffled

I'm bewildered
I'm confounded
I'm stumped!!!
Sometimes I marvel

I'm bowled over about countless things in life 

I'm astonished why when we talk of love very few listen
But when we talk of hate we have everyone's rapt attention

I'm amazed why when someone is feeling down and blue
And these poor souls don't know what to do
Our words of comfort seem so few

I'm perplexed why we are happy to listen to lies
Quicker than we will listen to the truth
Albeit we are witnesses to the pain
And have heard their whimpers and cries.

I'm mystified why we pick our friends and envelope them in love
And never extend our hands to others

I'm stunned why when things seem right
We think it is something awesome and great we have done
But when things go wrong, we want to blame Allah

I'm baffled

I'm bewildered

I'm confounded
I'm stumped!!!

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Madah nasihat seorang suami buat isterinya:

3 June 2010, Thursday

Mintalah maaf kepadaku, 

nescaya cintaku tetap abadi kepadamu

Janganlah kamu berbicara kepadaku

saat amarahku sedang tinggi memuncak

Janganlah memukulku, walau sekalipun

umpama kamu memukul sebuah rebana

Sungguh kamu tidak mengetahui

bagaimana orang yang sedang berpisah

Janganlah terlalu suka mengadu

sehingga aku hilang rasa cinta

dan aku tawar hati terhadapmu

Kerana hati ini sentiasa berubah-ubah

Sesungguhnya aku melihat bahawa

cinta di dalam hati ini dan rasa sakit hati

Apabila berkumpul (pada satu hati)

tidak berapa lama 

cintapun terus padam dan hilang

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Panjatkan kesyukuran di atas segala rahmat Allah s.w.t

25 May 2010, Tuesday

Sebelum kamu melihat mawar yang berduri
hidulah bunga yang mekar mewangi sambil bertasbih

Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai keterikan panas matahari
kecapilah pancaran cahayanya

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang kepekatan dan gelapan malam
nikmatilah kesunyian dan kebeningan malam hari
Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai curahan hujan
nikmatilah air yang segar dengan rasa kesyukuran

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang ribut taufan

hiruplah udara yang nyaman dengan penuh kegembiraan
Sebelum kamu merungut tentang pasanganmu
cerminkanlah diri mu terlebih dahulu
Elakkan dari menutup pintu kemakbulan doa
dengan melakukan maksiat

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

i wander, and i meander, and i wonder why

20 May 2010, Thursday

every so often i wander,
i wander here and i wander there

and as i wander, i wonder

why i wander and i wonder
 

then i amble into my fantasy

i meander into my pipe dream

i ramble into a world of unreality

and i build castles in the air

 

i saunter into another planet
my own world

my own flight of imagination
far away from reality

far away from this earth
where nobody exits
and where nothing subsists except me

as i look up into the sky

with a canopy of bright shining and twinkling stars
i marvel and i start to wonder and meander...
i wonder why i love to wander and meander

and i wonder

i wander and meander
away to another space

far away from this place
away from my body
away from my soul
away, and i've gone astray
 

i've vanished into space

petered away into the cosmos

evaporated into this vast universe
 

and i wonder
why do i wander and wonder

i wonder if everyone likes to wonder

and meander and wander the way i do
 

i doubt anyone can understand

why i wander and i wonder
and i wonder if i myself can understand
 

and there i go again

i'm wandering all around
trying to get hold of someone

who can meander

who can wander

and who can wonder along with me......

i wonder if i can find that someone

i wander and i meander

i wonder
 

 

Life is but a short journey

19 May 2010, Wednesday

Life is but a short journey,

A pause in what is to be,

A resting place along the road,

to sweet eternity.

We all have different journeys,

Different paths along the way,

We all were meant to learn some things,

but never meant to stay...long

Our destination is a place,

Far greater than we know.

For some the journey is quicker,

For others the journey could be slow.

And when the journey finally ends,

We'll claim a great reward,

And find an everlasting peace,

Together with Allah

  Ar-Rahmaan

Ar-Raheem

Al-Malik

Al-Quddoo

our Lord

the CREATOR

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

The Pious Wife

22 April 2010, Thursday 

Marriage to her is one half of the deen,

The benefit Allah has put in her is yet to be seen.
She wears her hijab for her Lord, to please and obey,
She turns to Allah for solat at least five times each day.

She prays in the night and makes sure to awake you,
And sprinkles you with water if sleep should overtake you.

She protects her chastity with firmness because she does not desire,
To displease Allah and end up in the tormenting fire.

She asks the people who know when matters need to be rectified,
She is not blinded by self righteousness and foolish pride.

She is humble and kind to her husband as Allah has commanded,
Never leaving him alone, isolated, nor stranded.

She opens her mouth only to say what is best,
Not questioning her husband when he makes a request.

She takes care of herself and never ceases to try,
To beautify herself so to please his eye.

She is a pleasure Allah has given to us in this life,
Be thankful to Allah alone for His blessing,
THE PIOUS WIFE

Don't all Muslim men wish they too can have a Pious Wife?

May Allah make all Muslim women, in particular my daughter, my sisters and me from amongst the above, Amin, Ya Rabbal'alamin

The Pious Husband

22 April 2010, Thursday

Marriage to him is one half of the deen,

To please Allah (swt) is more than a dream.

He wears his beard for his Lord, to please and obey,

He turns to Allah (swt) for solat at least five times a day.

He prays in the night and makes sure to wake you,

And strives during daylight to provide and protect you.

He lowers his gaze with firmness because he does not desire,

To displease Allah (swt) and face His just ire,

He asks advice from the ummah, and his wife too,

Before making decisions that he might later rue.

To his wife he is humble and always most kind,

Sharing his burdens with strength and clear mind.

He opens his mouth only to say what is best,

Weighing all options ‘fore denying a request.

He takes care of himself and family too

Knowing that Allah (swt) will see them through.

He is a pleasure from Allah (swt) above

Be thankful to Allah (swt) and His blessings through love.

Don't all Muslimah wish they too can have a Pious Husband? May Allah make all Muslim men, in particular my husband, sons and brothers from amongst the above, Amin, Ya Rabbal'alamin.

Kalau dahi tak mencecah sejadah di dunia....

15 April 2010, Thursday

I sometime listen to Radio Ikim which provides interesting, useful and beneficial contents to inspire listeners, especially those who are feeling melancholic, low-spirited and disconsolate. And, as it so happened, when I tuned in to this  frequency, I was mesmerised by the rendition of a poem which touched my very soul.

I could feel each verse delving into the very core of my being. I could feel a deep sense of regret,  a feeling of repentance, a feeling of compunction and a pang of conscience, and my thoughts immediately centred and focused on The Creator, The Exalted, Allah, s.w.t.

At that very moment, I felt really small, a minute being, a lost soul in a  huge and deep ocean. I felt I was drowning. I felt pulled under, I felt breathless. I felt the end was near, but  the Almighty, Allah, s.w.t. saved me. Allah s.w.t., the Gracious salvaged and resuscitated me. I was revived.

This beautiful poem addresses solat. A delightful sonnet that posed many questions to the very deep edge of my soul. Is solat important in my life? Is solat important in my husband's life? Is solat important in my children's lives? Do we place solat high on a pedestal? Or  do we discard it as a time-waster, as something not worth practising. Do we just dismiss it as something useless?

It's time to ponder.......

Dahi Cecah Ke Sejadah

Bersihkanlah dirimu sebelum kamu dimandikan
Berwudhu’lah kamu sebelum kamu diwudhu’kan
Dan solatlah kamu sebelum kamu disolatkan

Tutuplah ‘auratmu sebelum ‘auratmu ditutupkan
Dengan kain kafan yang serba putih
Pada waktu itu tidak guna lagi bersedih
Walaupun orang yang hadir itu merintih

Selepas itu kamu akan diletak di atas lantai
Lalu dilaksanakanlah solat Jenazah
Dengan empat kali takbir dan satu salam
Berserta Fatihah, Selawat dan doa
Sebagai memenuhi tuntutan Fardhu Kifayah

 Tapi apakah empat kali takbir itu dapat menebus
Segala dosa meninggalkan solat sepanjang hidup?

Apakah solat Jenazah yang tanpa rukuk dan sujud
Dapat membayar hutang rukuk dan sujudmu yang telah luput?
Sungguh tertipulah dirimu jika beranggapan demikian

 Justeru kumenyeru sekelian Muslimin dan Muslimat
Usunglah dirimu ke tikar solat
Sebelum kamu diusung ke liang lahad
Menjadi makanan cacing dan makanan ulat

 Iringi dirimu ke masjid
Sebelum kamu diiringi ke Pusara

Tangisilah dosa-dosamu di dunia
Kerana tangisan tidak berguna di alam baqa’

Sucikanlah dirimu sebelum kamu disucikan
Sedarlah kamu sebelum kamu disedarkan
Dengan panggilan ‘Izrail yang menakutkan

Berimanlah kamu sebelum kamu ditalkinkan
Kerana ianya berguna untuk yang tinggal
Bukan yang pergi

Beristighfarlah kamu sebelum kamu diistighfarkan
Namun ketika itu istighfar tidak menyelamatkan

 Ingatlah di mana saja kamu berada
Kamu tetap memijak bumi Tuhan
Dan dibumbungi dengan langit Tuhan
Serta menikmati rezeki Tuhan

Justeru bila Dia menyeru, sambutlah seruan-Nya
Sebelum Dia memanggilmu buat kali yang terakhirnya

 Ingatlah kamu dahulu hanya setitis air yang tidak bererti
Lalu menjadi segumpal darah
Lalu menjadi seketul daging
Lalu daging itu membaluti tulang
Lalu jadilah kamu insan yang mempunyai erti

 Ingatlah asal usulmu yang tidak bernilai itu
Yang kalau jatuh ke tanah
Ayam tak patok itik tak sudu
Tapi Allah mengangkatmu ke suatu mercu
Yang lebih agung dari malaikat

 Lahirmu bukan untuk dunia
Tapi gunakanlah ia buat melayar bahtera akhirat

Sambutlah seruan ‘Hayya ‘alas Solaah’
Dengan penuh rela dan bersedia
Sambutlah seruan ‘Hayya ‘alal Falaah’
Jalan kemenangan akhirat dan dunia

Ingatlah yang kekal ialah amal
Menjadi bekal sepanjang jalan
Menjadi teman di perjalanan

 Guna kembali ke pangkuan Tuhan
Pada hari itu tiada berguna harta, tahta dan putera
Isteri, kad kredit dan kereta
Kondominium, saham dan niaga
Kalau dahi tak mencecah sejadah di dunia.

Kalau dahi tak mencecah sejadah di dunia.

Kalau dahi tak mencecah sejadah di dunia.

all dark clouds will soon fade away...

31 March 2010, Wednesday

never thought it would be so harsh living in this world
surrounded by people who matter to you but sometimes hurt you

many times i just want to give up
alas, there is always a small voice within me
willing me to go on and cheering me up

sometimes in life i go through challenging and daunting times
but in due course testing times will bring me happiness
happiness that will uplift me
happiness that will fill my heart, my mind, and my soul
happiness that will give me the strength i need

things are likely to happen for a reason
which is difficult to see unless i seek it out
sometimes it takes ages just to see it
but more often than not, all it takes is just a little patience

i always cajole myself to remain patient
for deep in my heart i know this disheartening times will soon pass

take one day at a time
do not worry about tomorrow
it may be joy
it may be sorrow

every raindrop has a rainbow in the offing
and every cloud has a silver lining
waiting just for me in the horizon

all dark clouds will soon fade away
and everything will be jolly and sunny soon

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

When anguish comes thumping

30 March 2010, Tuesday

When anguish comes thumping
There’s no one home
Gone out gallavanting
And I'm here all alone
 

Anguish comes thumping
Week after week
I try not to heed
But it caused my heart to bleed

But anguish comes thumping
Day after day day
Oh please just go away
And leave me in peace

Anguish comes thumping
What does he really fancy?
Is he here to lodge?
Or simply enjoy goading me?

Sorrow here sorrow there sorrow everywhere

29 March 2010, Monday

sorrow
sorrow here sorrow there
sorrow in my heart

sorrow in my soul
sorrow in my mind
sorrow in my skin

sorrow in my bones 

sorrow coming from you
till my heart bleeds red
sorrow you caused till the skin and bones rip
sorrow you caused till I break into tears 

sorrow from then till now
sorrow in my head

sorrow in my heart
sorrow in my mind

sorrow in my soul 

sorrow happening in my sleep
sorrow happening in my thoughts
sorrow happening when I'm alone
sorrow happening in my room

sorrow happening in my bed where I'm all alone
sorrow happening every hour every minute every second of my life 

sorrow caused by anger, fury and rage
sorrow caused by deep hurt
sorrow caused by desolation and gloom
sorrow caused by grief and despair
sorrow caused by anguish and bewilderment 

sorrow caused by you

sorrow caused by you and others
sorrow caused by those who professed to love me

sorrow is driving me insane
causing my head to spin till it fills up my veins

i go to sleep never to wake up and see the light 

the light that will end my pain for good!

Missing You Mak

19 March 2010, Friday

I get up every morning to begin a new day
But the sorrow of losing you never go away.
I go about doing the things I have to do
And as the hours pass I reminisce again of you.

I stopped and tried calling you to just hear your voice
Then I remembered that you are no longer around
And now my heart weeps and cries
I longed just to see you once again to bid you goodbye
To tell you, Mak, I love you and I always will
And hope that much of you, in me you've instilled.

The day that you left I just didn't know
That you were going where I couldn't go.
And now all my memories of you are so dear
But dear God, I miss you Mak and wish you were here.

Who now can hear me when I need to cry?
or when I need a warm hug and a tight embrace?
It so hard to tell you "Mak goodbye."
Someday I know all will be well
And I'll see you again with stories to tell
Of how you were missed and how we have grown
And how good it is to finally be home.

Until then my memories of you I'll keep near
Right at the base of my heart it will stay.
And once again, I've this to say
Mak, you will always be loved
And I miss you so.