Friday, September 13, 2013

Yesterday I cried...with an agenda

I came home, went straight to my room,

sat on the edge of my bed,

kicked off my shoes,

and I had myself a good cry.

I'm telling you,

I cried until my nose was running all over

the black jacket I got on sale.

I cried until my ears were hot.

I cried until my head was hurting so bad

that I could hardly see the pile of

soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.

I want you to understand,

I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,

for all the days that I was too busy,

or too tired,

or too mad to cry.

I cried for all the days, and all the ways,

and all the times I had dishonored,

disrespected, and

disconnected my Self from myself,

only to have it reflected back to me

in the ways others did to me

the same things I had already done to myself.

I cried for all the things I had given,

only to have them stolen;

for all the things I had asked for that

had yet to show up;

for all the things I had accomplished,

only to give them away,

to people in circumstances,

which left me feeling empty,

and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does

come a time when the only thing left

for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.

I cried because little boys get

left by their daddies;

and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;

and daddies don't know what to do, so they leave;

and mommies get left, so they get mad.

I cried because I had a little boy,

and because I was a little girl,

and because I was a mommy

who didn't know what to do,

and because I wanted my mummy and daddy to be there

for me so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.

I cried because I hurt.

I cried because I was hurt.

I cried because hurt has no place to go

except deeper into the pain that

caused it in the first place,

and when it gets there,

the hurt wakes you up.

I cried because it was too late.

I cried because it was time.

I cried because my soul knew that I didn't know

that my soul knew everything I needed to know.

I cried a soulful cry yesterday,

and it felt so good.

It felt so very, very bad.

In the midst of my crying,

I felt my freedom coming,

Because Yesterday,

I cried with an agenda.

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