Gratitude Inventory: 31 July 2010

31 July 2010, Saturday

Today, I am grateful that:

1. Almighty Allah has kept me alive so that I could still devote time and service to my family
2. Almighty Allah sent Amir Hussain to me to be my soulmate
3. Almighty Allah provided me with not just one, but four bundles of joy
4. We are contented and fun loving as a family
5. Allah chose me to be Mak and Ayah's daughter
6. Almighty Allah's bounties, big and small 
7. I've imparted some useful life lessons and English lessons to all my students in the hope that they will use what they have acquired as part of their learning curve.

(And when your Lord made it known: If you are grateful, I would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful, My chastisement is truly severe.) (Ibrahim 14:7)

If Tomorrow God Wants Me To Go

30 July 2010, Friday

If tomorrow God wants me to go, and I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say.

I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,
and each time that you think of me I know you’ll miss me too;

But when tomorrow God wants me to go, please try to understand,

that my time is up and it's time for me to go,
and that I’d have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,

for all life, I’m not prepared to die so soon.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.
it seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,
I’d say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.

 

But then I fully realised that this could never be,

for emptiness and memories would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things that I’d miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

Today my life on earth is past but yours starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last.
and since each day’s the same, there’s no longing for the past.

But you have been so loving, so trusting, so true.

Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn’t do.
And you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free.

So won’t you come and take my hand and share my life with me?

So if tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart,

for every time you think of me, please know I’m in your heart.



WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

I walked in the clouds

30 July 2010, Friday

Today, I walked in the clouds. I could feel my feet touching the soft white clouds. I could breathe in the sweet-smelling clouds. I was enveloped in the density of the clouds.

Clouds here, clouds there, clouds everywhere. For some strange reasons, I'm not only fascinated by the sun, both the beauty of sun set and sun rise, but also by clouds formation.

I love to watch the clouds forming in the sky. And when I travel long distance, I'm usually armed with both my Canon compact digital camera and my semi SLR Canon to capture these breathtaking images. And during my recent trip to Perak (north of Malaysia), it was no different. I managed to capture some fascinating images of the clear blue sky as well as several beautiful clouds formation.

Somehow (perhaps due to the different landscape, as well as the absence of many tall buildings, plus lack of pollution), the sky up north seems bluer and clearer compared to the sky in KL. And the sky seems nearer...it appears as though it's beckoning you to be near it.

Don't you ever wish that you can climb up a ladder to reach the clouds and the stunning blue sky?

Footprints to My Past: A Giant Jigsaw Puzzle

27 July 2010, Tuesday

As part of my quest to write a book to trace my family's roots and to glean into my past, I've visited several  places and interviewed a couple of key people, looking for missing pieces and trying my level best to piece the giant jigsaw puzzle.

To-date, I've left my footprints at the following places:
1. Singapore (met my only surviving aunt, Mak Minah from 7 to 9 July 2010)
2. Tanah Liat, Bukit Mertajam, Penang (met Kak Yam, Abang Ad, Pak Long Bakar and later Abang Ismail) on 17 July 2010
3. Alor Setar, Kedah (met Kak Rombi, my maternal cousin and Mami Sarah, my maternal aunt) from 18 to 19 July 2010

And tomorrow my journey continues. Enroute to Sungkai, Perak (for a 27th honeymoon sojourn), my husband and I will be heading to Sungai Siput (about 17km from Kuala Kangsar) to meet Yati Rabuan (a former neighbour in Singapore). Hopefully, I can glean further stories from our stay in Singapore in the 60's and 70's.

I'm all excited and can't wait for the day I can start penning down all the historical bits and pieces about my family. I am quite sure, I will unearth a skeleton or two in the process....

A story is born

25 July 2010, Sunday

With one finger I type the keyboard looking for an alphabet
From one alphabet I form a word
And from a word I string a sentence
And from a sentence I spin a tale
And, a beautiful story is born

Asylum for the verbally insane

25 July 2010, Sunday

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice

If the plural of man is always called men
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose

We speak of a brother and also of brethren
But though we say mother, we never say methren

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; 
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple

English muffins weren't invented in England

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes
We find that quicksand can work slowly

Boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing
Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all But one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship

We have noses that run and feet that smell

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down
In which you fill in a form by filling it out
And in which an alarm goes off by going on

And, in closing, if Father is Pop,

How come Mother's not Mop?

The world as graphically depicted through my eyes today

24 July 2010, Saturday

Today I boycotted the world

24 July 2010, Saturday

Today I boycotted the world
I slept but I did not fall asleep
I ate but I it did not satisfy my hunger
I drank but it did not quench my thirst

I read but the words were blur
I wrote but it was unintelligible
I spoke but no one listened to me
I sang but there was no melody

I lie down but the mattress seemed hard
I cried but there were no tears
I ran and I stumbled
I fell into a deep hole

I bade goodbye
But the universe is still spinning
And reality hit me
I'm still here
The world still needs me
It continues to embrace me

Sleep eluded me yet again....

24 July 2010, Saturday

Sleep eluded me last night. Try as I might, my eyes refused to shut. So, I lay awake the entire night. I was tempted to get out of bed, but was too lazy. I was hoping against hope that my tired eyes would finally shut. Alas, I stayed awake till I heard the azan for subuh prayers.

Normally, when there are a lot of things on my mind, sleep would elude me. And yesterday, this condition was made worse by the fact that I had taken a nap in the afternoon. Usually, try as I might, I cannot fall asleep during the day unless I'm mighty tired. I would usually be tossing here and there until it was time for me to get my butt off the bed.

And yesterday, I made the gravest mistake of drinking hazelnut coffee to keep me awake during my English class. So, it came as no surprise when my eyes refused to shut and sleep eluded me. Any caffeinated drink would keep me awake the entire night, and I've failed, yet again to avoid cofffee or tea, especially those taken in the later part of the day.

Why?

23 July 2010, Friday

Sebelum kamu...

21 July 2010, Wednesday

Sebelum kamu melihat mawar yang berduri

lihatlah terlebih dahulu keindahan bunganya

Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai keterikan panas matahari

kecapilah pancaran cahayanya

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang kepekatan dan kegelapan malam

nikmatilah kesunyian dan kebeningan malam hari

Sebelum kamu mengeluh mengenai curahan hujan

panjatkan kesyukuran ke atas nikmat yang Tuhan kurniakan

Sebelum kamu merungut tentang pasanganmu

Cerminkanlah diri mu terlebih dahulu

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

I fell into a deep hole

21 July 2010, Wednesday 

I sit and ponder
of all the times
you have ripped me apart
I walked and reminisced
of all the hurt and pain
you have inflicted

I ran and scrambled
and remembered
the deep despair
I fell
I fell into a rut
I plummeted into a deep hole
I lay buried under a rubble

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku

Time to spring clean my bedroom!!!

14 July 2010, Wednesday

The last couple of days I've been doing spring cleaning of my bedroom. My husband has been complaining incessantly that my stuff occupies 90% of the room! Is it really? Perhaps he was right. Then again, he could be exaggerating.

So, yesterday, as my class was canceled, I took the opportunity to clean up the mess. I've been mulling over which stuff  I deemed "throwable' and those which no longer deserve a place in my bedroom.

Funny, when it's time for spring cleaning, there would be bound to be things that you would want to throw away without hesitation (even though you had decided to keep that during the last spring cleaning); and things that you think, ponder, muse, mull over, and contemplate numerous times before you come to a conclusion on what to be thrown away; and there would also be things where, try as you might, you just cannot bear to part with them. I guess that's human nature. It's interesting to discover the things you and your family members keep.

The last spring cleaning I did was after my house was renovated. That was the longest renovation I had to endure, starting from January right up to May 2010, a full five months. And at that time, I was really brutal in discarding all the things that no longer jive with my newly renovated house.

I had donated most of my pots and pans, crockeries, cutleries, and many other knicks and knacks to a children's home in Rawang. And a few other stuff were donated to my sister in Putrajaya. I had even given away many potted plants to the guys who came to redo my garden. Those yonder days when my garden was filled to the brim with plants and plants and plants are a thing of the past.

Today, I fully embrace a minimalist concept in my house decor. The garden today looked completely different with just a couple of potted plants lining the fence separating my neighbour's house. And under the pergola, I only have a fish pond, a garden table and four chairs, a lattice and "tiang seri" adorning the pergola area, with two potted water plants in the pond and just one plant next to the lattice. I used to have numerous potted plants under the pergola!!

And with that in mind, I'm all set to do the same with my bedroom....Alas, I realised, it was much easier to throw away things in the kitchen, things in the living room, in the dining room, in the garden, and in my backyard. It's also easier to throw away things in my store, what I had called "The small room under the staircase".

But things in my bedroom? I will continue to mull, ponder, muse, think, contemplate before I throw them away. Meanwhile, I've managed to clean 20% of the mess only. And for sure, my husband will continue to nag, pester, hassle and hound me until I dispose of most of the junks which are dear to my heart....

Procrastination is the FATHER of all evil

14 July 2010, Wednesday

It's funny that people do not treat time with the respect it deserves. Many people have the tendency to procrastinate.

Procrastination, the habit of putting tasks off to the last possible minute, can be a major problem in both our career and our personal life. Side effects include missed opportunities, frenzied work hours, stress, overwhelm, resentment, and guilt.

Some people enjoy procrastinating. People procrastinate because they're overwhelmed with too much on their plate, and procrastination gives them an escape. Other times they''ll feel tired and lazy, and they just can't get going. But for most others, it's more of a habit.

We put things off because we don't want to do them, or because we have too many other things to do. Putting things off—big or small—is part of being human.

Some people love the rush of adrenalin they get when they finish a task ten minutes before it's due, but we (and our body) are getting tired of pulling all-nighters. We feel okay about procrastinating while in college, but you worry that this habit will follow you into your working life.

If we put off washing the dishes, but the dishes don't bother us, who cares? When our procrastination leaves us feeling discouraged and overburdened, however, it is time to take action.

For most procrastinators, because it is habitual, they aren't going to wake up tomorrow and never procrastinate again. But they might wake up tomorrow and do one or two simple things that will help them finish that task a little earlier or with less stress.

Taking the time to learn about why we procrastinate may help us avoid the cycle whereby we swear up and down that we will never procrastinate again, only to find that the next time we have a task due, we are up until 5 a.m. trying to complete the task - without knowing why or how we got there.

Personally, I avoid procrastination like the plague!!! I abhor people who are habitual procrastinators. And many people close and dear to me find my habit intimidating because I'm a stickler for punctuality and DO NOT LIKE to do things at the last minute. And I become easily upset and jittery when people close to me do things at the last minute.

I simply do not understand why people need to procrastinate when things can be done early, in a systematic way and with sufficient time to complete a task or job. Especially to my loved ones, STOP PROCRASTINATING.......and get your task/assignment/work done ASAP!!!

Footprints to Temasek, the Lion City

6 July 2010, Tuesday

My research into my roots and my dream of writing a book to trace my family's history will take me to Temasek, the Lion City over the next couple of days. Tomorrow, my exciting journey to unravel my past will unfold. Tomorrow, I'll begin my Footprints to the Lion City....

The pain that is in my heart

5 July 2010, Monday

I am looking at the sky, the tress, the lights and the people.

All leaving their smells on this world.

I wish to forget all the times of pain and loneliness.

I wish the time would stop 

and I could go back to the centre of my despair.

To see again the people who have broken my heart, 

to see my fears, inside their sad faces.

They looked into my black eyes and not the pain that is in my heart

I cry

I sing

And I wait for someone to embrace me.

WanKinsella@Lubukhatiku