4 January 2009, Monday
I felt like a robot today
I woke up feeling grouchy. Like a robot, I went down to prepare breakfast for my husband and sons. Today is one day I didn't feel like doing housework, though the laundry was fast piling up. And everywhere looked a mess. This is the third month that I'm without a maid.
Please, I don't feel like being responsible today
I didn't want to work on my translation. I just felt very tired. I didn't want to cook. I didn't feel like eating. I just didn't feel like working. All I felt like doing was to laze around doing nothing. I didn't want to do anything that reminded me of responsible behaviour. It was that kind of day.
Pounding headache, is it really?
As I sipped my hot teh tarik, I felt a pounding headache. It was this dull throb all over my head. Perhaps I should retire to bed again, though the clock showed 8:15 a.m. I've been nursing shoulder and neck pain the last week or so.
Amy I really sick?
As I placed the dishes in the sink, I felt my muscles were beginning to ache. In fact, all my joints were screaming in pain. And that could mean only one thing for me. I was coming down with the flu. I reckoned that would be a justifiable excuse to stay in bed all day.
Sleep eluded me, as always
I climbed the steps wearily, shuffled to my bed, and wiggled under the comforters and shut my eyes. Tried as I might, sleep eluded me. I was completely awake. I ought to get up. But no, there was that pounding headache, the pain in my joints and the searing and shooting pain down my right arm. I was beginning to sniffle. Oh, the dreaded flu.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
I grabbed the tissues and glanced at my side table and saw a book which my youngest son, Khairi had insisted on buying a few days ago. (My son is not known to like reading very much, unlike my daughter, who is a vociferous reader like me), so that piqued my curiousity. I removed the book "Diary of a Wimpy Kid: novel in cartoons", settled against my pillows and starting flicking through the pages.
I buried myself in the Wimpy Kid
The morning was moving along and so was my reading. Another 100 pages and I was stretching. I wouldn't say I was mesmerised by this book as I usually avoided reading cartoons but this book was quite different. And perhaps to justify remaining in bed, I also wanted to find out for myself what triggered my son's interest in reading as he managed to finish reading this book in one reading. And he had also insisted in buying Book 2 and 3 (which I readily and gladly agreed if only he would continue having an interest in reading).
Laziness continued to envelope me
Oh boy, I should try to get up and work on my translation as I have to complete this project by mid February. I should at least get up to do the laundry. Perhaps, I wasn't really sick. I wasn't getting the flu after all. In fact, I didn't really want to be sick.
May I please have a little time for myself?
If truth be known, all I wanted was a little time off, a little time for myself. Time where I didn't need to worry about the mess in the house, that little time where I didn't need to worry if there's food laid on the table for my kids, that little time where the laundry could wait. I'm certain my family was resourceful enough to scrounge clothing from their messy wardrobes.
I wasn't a child anymore
I needed to foster myself away from people, household chores, my project and the outside world. Did I have to wait to be sick to do that? I still remember that as a child, the only respite from school or household chores was being sick. But I wasn't a child anymore. Did I have to pretend that I was coming down with the flu or manufacture aches and pains to give myself a break? No, I decided. I didn't. I think I'm entitled to a break when I see fit.
A feat: I whacked the Wimpy Kid (216 pages) in one reading)
Admit it old girl. Accept it. To heck with the guilt. Just enjoy your break. What would I like to do? Pamper myself? Doing what? Be a hermit like my student, Sumedha? Highly unlikely? Read? So, I continued reading and lazing in bed. And along with the Wimpy Kid, I tossed out the guilt and once again settled against the pillows and continued chasing the Kid.
And guessed what? I finished reading a 216-page in one reading and that was a feat. By then, my eyes were feeling droopy and I was feeling rather exhausted. With a grateful sigh, I switched off my side table, and this time, sleep did not escape me. I snoozed off right away.
Hey, the aches and throbs are gone
Funny how the aches subsided in the comfort of my snug bed. They just slipped away with the cozy comforter covering and enveloping me. My head felt just fine, the throbbing feeling replaced by a sense of well-being.
By mid day, I was up on my feet, feeling refreshed psychologically, spiritually, and physically. And rather than feeling guilty and helpless, I felt rejuvenated. I had given myself permission to listen and respond to my own needs, to care for myself the way I have minded and tended to my husband and sons.
Soaring like a bird
Hey, I didn't actually need the prop and support of an illness to give myself a break. I'm no longer a child who needed to hide behind an illness excuse to get a respite from school or household chores. I felt liberated today. And I realised with a jolt that it's the simple things in life that would set me free. I felt vindicated. And, oh boy, the feeling is oh soo GOOD!!